It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
