I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
