I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize