i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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