your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Pooping to opera.
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