Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
