Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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