Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
