That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
