Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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