i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
