Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
