First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
