Yo dont text me then not text me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
