I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love you.
Bad choice
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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