Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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