Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
