shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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