Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
