Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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  (479): Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school... http://tfl.nu/5amt
  Replies (23) Good night (5062) Bad night (747)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....

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  (970): Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning..... http://tfl.nu/nrjr
  Replies (16) Good night (2075) Bad night (5162)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.

  (406): View more from Montana

  Ok, i'm coming over

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  (320): It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now. (320): He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage. (406): Ok, i'm coming over http://tfl.nu/vi8g
  Replies (6) Good night (4045) Bad night (701)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.

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  (360): whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind. http://tfl.nu/pllx
  Replies (24) Good night (5641) Bad night (927)
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  (858): View more from California

  I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha

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  (858): I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha http://tfl.nu/4cqn
  Replies (4) Good night (1788) Bad night (1019)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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  (813): obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/eqex
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (1425)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.

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  (651): somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex. http://tfl.nu/wfkq
  Replies (2) Good night (1219) Bad night (508)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.

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  (207): Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me. http://tfl.nu/5y8e
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (1181)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.

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  (570): She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/lhd6
  Replies (0) Good night (1402) Bad night (507)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal

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  (540): I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal http://tfl.nu/b5ht
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (367)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night

  (212): View more from New York

  Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate

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  (908): My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night (212): Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate http://tfl.nu/bmji
  Replies (4) Good night (1444) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Pathetic yet considerate

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  (954): Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up. (1-954): Pathetic yet considerate http://tfl.nu/ng7i
  Replies (2) Good night (757) Bad night (354)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.

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  (405): In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win. http://tfl.nu/zkyh
  Replies (4) Good night (710) Bad night (327)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...

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  (920): So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works... http://tfl.nu/tg33
  Replies (5) Good night (559) Bad night (413)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey

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  (262): Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey http://tfl.nu/zpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (810) Bad night (484)

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