just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.