Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
