There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.