Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
