Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago