I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.