i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?