Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process