Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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