Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
