Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
