My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
