toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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