if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
