Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
