She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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