Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
