YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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