she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
