shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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