I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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