I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
