My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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