The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
