Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
