I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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