ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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