You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
