she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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