Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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