I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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