I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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