You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
