I bet he comes in French.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
