dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
someone owes me an orgasm
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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