I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
