Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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