Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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