Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
