So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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