one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
