That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
