Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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