so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
