Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you didnt know i had herpes?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
