I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
