phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
