i was born a porn star she said
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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