Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
