Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
