her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
