I looked at my own cervix.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
