The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
