hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
