She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
