I'm gonna have a badass scar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
