and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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