Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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