dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
