Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
