Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
