Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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