..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
